I’ve joked around before about possibly being the worst future minister’s wife in training. I’ve joked that I often prefer reading magazines to the Bible. I’ve said that God must have a sense of humour to direct my life to this point. It certainly would not have been my choice, had I been left to my own devices.
It’s making me anxious, being a minister’s wife in training. It’s up there with snakes and sharks and geese and the thought of my dog being hit by a car.
It was the one criteria I pretty much had set in stone, when thinking about a future husband. I will not become a minister’s wife, I decided. And God laughed. And he gave to me the kindest, funniest, silliest, most godly man I’ve ever met and worked in his heart, leading him towards ministry.
My anxiety about being a minister’s wife is more understandable when you learn that my dad is a minister. Thus my mum was a minister’s wife. They have been divorced for over ten years.
There is never one single reason for people choosing to split up but I happen to think that pressures from a life in ministry had a great part to play in my parent’s marriage ending. It wasn’t much fun as a kid either, having to share so much of your parent’s time. Living in a fishbowl with everyone watching you every Sunday and every church event, scrutinising your behaviour. Telling you off for eating the left over communion bread. Being social work trained makes me slightly more self aware (some days) and reflective of my background and upbringing. And all the more worried that I could repeat these patterns.
You don’t just get to be that mixed up pre-teen who is sick of making polite conversation every Sunday and eating stale biscuits at morning tea. You are the minister’s daughter. People know you. People see what you are doing. You have an audience.
It takes all of my strength and courage to trust that my husband knows what he is doing, that this absolutely is a calling from God and not some altruistic venture in deciding to head into ministry. Some days it takes faith and my commitment to my marriage, to not run like crazy in the other direction. I’ve lived this life before and it didn’t turn out so great.
I’ve also been known to wear a shorter skirt to church and to focus too much on what my outfit looks like. And then there are the tattoos, of which I have too many. And too many plans to have more tattoos. And I won’t be giving my children Christian names. And I firmly believe that u2 is a Christian band and Bono won’t save the world one day but he’s doing an ok job trying. None of which are things worth worrying about in church, not when we have big things to get concerned over like making sure we’re being missional and relational and in community but church is often more political than anything. A sad truth.
I’m also probably not patient enough to be a minister’s wife. I don’t like teaching Sunday school all that much, although potentially would do it if they really had run out of leaders. I’m not super thrilled about the idea of opening up my home to the hoards of people who will need to talk to my husband, the minister, at strange hours of the day. I worry that I will have to turn off my tv when they are there.
So where does that leave me?
I guess I should just dump my baggage at the cross and remind myself that it’s not really about me. It’s not about what I think I can’t do. It is about what God can do. And even when I don’t see it, He’s working in me. I hope.
“I know nothing, except what everyone knows – if there when Graces dances, I should dance.” W.H. Auden
Wonderful Hannah
When we are weak, He is strong!!! God doesn’t desire us to be perfect…we can’t be this side of heaven anyway. All He requires of us is to love Him and follow where He leads. Just saying yes to Him is what is required. Yes…leave ALL of that stuff at the cross. He knows your concerns anyway and yet He wants you to trust Him. He has a perfect plan for you and Drew…a shared adventure together. It’s so exciting to see you being used by Him in amazing ways. Love you xxx
Hey Hannah.
I read your blog and felt moved to make a comment. I think that it is totally understandable and reasonable to have doubts, fears and a certain level of annoyance in the face of having to accept something you had never ever planned on happening. Sometimes life is funny like that.
Having been a minister’s wife myself, people think that it’s different because I’m not a person with the same faith as my husband, but I think the basic issues are the same. Issues of sharing your partner with the wider community, dealing with others’ opinions of who you should be (versus being who you really are), having your career/calling count as much as your partner’s, and keeping your separate dreams and interests alive so that you remain an independent adult who brings freshness, spontaneity and passion to your marriage.
It’s wonderful that Drew feels called to be a minister, but it is just as precious that you are called to do the things that make up the unique person known as Hannah – you get to choose who you will be as a minister’s wife, what you can and can’t work with. You have a loving husband who cares deeply for you, and good communication is the key. My thoughts are with you and remember, it’s ok to feel worried – that’s a normal reaction to the unknown.
Hi, Hannah! I happen to stumble on your site just now and I find it really amusing to know that you’re a minister’s daughter like me. I can sooo relate while reading this post except for the fact that I’m still single and just like you, I don’t want to be a minister’s wife.(Please, dear Lord, hear my prayer.) God give me grace and the courage if He intends for me to marry one. Continue to shine for Jesus.
It’s always a bit scary when “our plans” aren’t the same as “God’s plans”, and the fears that come with God’s plans. Sounds like your experience as a minister’s daughter will help you. And while you will be stepping (again) into public ministry where people will see you and watch you, I pray that they don’t look for perfection (because we won’t be perfect this side of heaven), but that they “see your progress” in the way you deal with sin. It’s clear from your blog that you are constantly seeking godliness and repentance, serivce for and reliance on God, and that is all that God “calls” us to do.
You’ve shown a willingness to trust and follow Drew and if you keep giving time to your relationship, and keep praying and reading the bible together and resting and having fun together, you’ll be ok.
I love your last paragraph. “I guess I should just dump my baggage at the cross and remind myself that it’s not really about me. It’s not about what I think I can’t do. It is about what God can do. And even when I don’t see it, He’s working in me.”
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